So I am going to talk about something that I don't really like talking about. Which is my appearance and weight. I have never been one of those ultra confident girls who felt good in what they wear. For most of my childhood I have been bigger than the others and I always felt like the odd one out. When I was younger I was fat. Not puppy fat, not 'big boned' I can admit I was fat. I like eating, eating is probably one of my favourite hobbies, which makes me sound really weird I know.
I would always feel self conscious and looking back it makes me sad to think that I felt this way as a child. I was more than happy in myself I had a great upbringing, a loving family and lots of friends but I never felt like one of the normal girls.
It was probably when I reached secondary school that I took more pride in my appearance and wanted to change the way I looked and the way I felt towards myself. I would hate looking at myself in the mirror or even walking past a shop window in case I caught a glimpse of my reflection.
My problems with losing weight were 1) food tastes good. And 2) I have had an innate hatred towards sports and physical education since I was about six and we spent countless hours in PE at school balancing and walking up and down on an overturned bench, to this day I still don't know why that was classed as sport.
In my teenage years there came a slight *keyword here is slight* turning point I would cycle for about a mile or so at 6am every morning before school, although I did feel great, no weight was lost and I slumped back to square one, twirl bar in hand.
Over the years my weight has gone up and down but sadly more ups than downs. Over the last two years I have tried to get into exercise and sports and in my first year of sixth form we had an activity to do for two hours every wednesday afternoon and my friends and I thought it'd be a wonderful idea to join the running club which would eventually lead up to us running a 10k. I thought it'd be alright, but who was I kidding, before signing up for this the closest I had got to running was playing Temple Run?!
PLOT TWIST: I really got into running, not enough to do a 10k though, but I enjoyed the feeling afterwards, the chats I had with my friends Fleur and Aderyn on the way and the way I felt I could eat something chocolately without feeling bad about it. Because of exams and other things I stopped and don't do it as much as I should, but I would like to get back into it again.
For the last couple of months I have felt rather deflated and unhappy with the way I look, I have been doing a bit of exercise although I know I could be doing more. I have looked into joining a gym but I have this thing where I feel you kinda have to be in shape already to go to a gym. I would feel vastly out of my comfort zone with bodybuilder to the left of me and Victoria's Secret models to the right whilst I struggle on, redfaced in between.
I have set myself my own personal goal to lose weight by christmas and to also be able to fit into the size 10 LBD looking sad at the back of my wardrobe. Healthy eating and doing plenty of fun exercise. I've joined aerobics classes which do a range of different workouts and I'll keep you updated along the way!
P.s I feel like I should add the fact that it also makes me very angry that we are in a world that body image affects so many people and their emotions. Calling someone fat is just as bad as calling them too skinny, who are they too judge anyway. There are so many articles slating celebrities for not looking their best or perhaps having a tiny bit of cellulite then on the following page they are being praised for looked svelte and slim!
Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it. Love, a x
Thursday, 26 September 2013
Exercise..More like exersighs
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