Sunday, 15 December 2013

Best friend, forever?

Friendships are formed almost instantaneously. You can be drawn to one another by having similar interests or mutual friends. There is no legitimate commitments in a friendships which means they can be ended without even a proper reason why. 

When a friendship ends nobody tells you what to do or what to say. Throughout my life so far, I have to say I have had my fair share of 'best friends'. At the time I thought we would be best friends forever and ever and only now, looking back I can tell that none of them were real friends let alone best friends. 

From when I was about two or three in playgroup I grew closer to another girl there called Hattie. We remained close for years and years. There was also another girl who I was close to growing up but I don't get along with her anymore so don't want to even mention her name. When I was about ten Hattie moved to America with her family to live. I remember at the time I was so upset and didn't know what I was going to do. But I had other friends in my classes so I wasn't completely alone haha! Hattie and I would email, write and send parcels to each other which was so cool receiving post and packages from America! So I think that brings me to best friend count number 2. 

Then I moved onto secondary school. I lost touch with a lot of people from primary school which I think was inevitable really. School tends to bind a lot of different people together and speaking from experience its a lot easier to get on with someone than not get on with them. For most of secondary I was best friends with another girl called Briony. We had our ups and downs and got along well, most of the time. She moved to Spain a few years back with her Mum and sister, ha you might be noticing a slight theme of friends moving abroad..It's not me I swear?!

There were two girls in my maths, english and science classes who I grew closer too as Briony and I grew further apart. The thing with growing apart from someone is that you don't really notice it happening until you barely know each other anymore. Siana, Ellie and I became really good friends and I still regard them as close friends now. Even though we don't really see each other that often and are all doing different things and are in different places in our lives, If we met up again we could still chat like old friends as if we'd never been apart. 

In my GCSE years of secondary school so year ten and year eleven a friend introduced me to one of her friends called Emily. She had a great sense of humour and at the time we had very similar interests. Back then I had even less of an idea of what I wanted to do with my life than I do now and I wasn't sure what road I wanted to go down to do with a levels, sixth form and college. We eventually grew apart when I realised we didn't really have much in common and she scarcely made time nor any effort with me and spent a lot of time with her then boyfriend. 

I think this now brings me up to a best friend count of six! My gosh how fickle does this make me sound!! Over sixth form I think the lack of 'best friend' got to me. I always had a large group of friends around me and I'm as comfortable in a big group as I am on my own. Nevertheless I never really had one person I could trust 100% and rely on completely. During sixth form I had a lot of friends, I don't want to come across as big-headed or obnoxious by saying this, I kind of floated in between two different friendship groups. I didn't really think anything of it and for the first time I felt a little bit popular so was relishing in the invites and the amount of times by phone would buzz with a new text! 

Nothing lasts forever so I understand that most things have a sort of 'expiry date'. From friendships to relationships to jobs etc. At one moment in time it felt right. 

As I have said before I made the decision not to go to uni this year or probably any year for that matter. It was quite a big decision for me as I'm not too sure what I actually want to do with my life and I'm terrible at making decisions too so considering this is quite a big choice to make I'm pretty sure I made the right choice, for myself anyway. 

I knew already that finishing school meant you lose touch with people, and I finished in June and was a bit hurt by the sudden loss of people in my life. What hurt the most was that a few of the people who I thought were good friends had disappeared from my life completely. Though it probably meant nothing to them that they'd go off on days out or trips to the pub without me, I was left feeling quite hurt and upset. I think what got to me the most was that I felt so easy to forget about and they didn't even give me a second thought. Was I that easy to forget about!?

As a lot of my friends were going to uni I was fully aware that they would be going off to new places meeting new people and making friends whereas I would be staying in my hometown, working and I wouldn't be meeting any new faces. My friend Sam had introduced me to two girls who I got along well with. I mention them sometimes in my posts..Vicki and Titch?? Over the last year or so we all have grown very close and I would happily regard them both as my closest friends. I could talk to them about anything and even though it sounds a bit lame to me I think it feels pretty awesome to say aside from family I have two other people I can rely on and they can rely on me! 

It's one of the weirdest feelings knowing you once were so close to someone and now you barely know each other. People change so it'd be weird to expect someone to remain the same person forever. It's only natural that we grow up and change. 

Hmm..that took a slightly more depressing angle than I expected but I hope you liked this post! Love, A x


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