Sunday, 22 June 2014

Everything seems to be going a bit pear shaped..including me.

This year was supposed to be my year. The year I became myself a lot more. If you didn't know I finished at sixth form this time last year and I knew I wasn't going to uni, as I hadn't applied, and I was going to work until I figured out what exactly I want to do with my life. Back then, I thought it would have been a relatively easy decision choosing what I'd want to and what career path to follow for the rest of my life, but as I lay here writing this still in bed on a Sunday morning, it couldn't be further from the truth.

I suppose in my head I had these grand ideas that a year on from sixth form I would be working in a great job that I'd love and I'd really show all those people who went off to uni and thought i'd never be able to compete with the careers they'll have when they finish. Another goal of mine was to lose some weight and shape up a bit. I'm not saying i'm the biggest girl in the world nor by any stretch of imagination am I the smallest but I'd like to drop a dress size or two for myself, to make me feel happier and healthier.

A year on from finishing at school, I am working the same job I was in when I was at sixth form but just doing more days there. Don't get me wrong I like working there, I get along really well with the two ladies I work with and enjoy the learning involved along the way. It's just not what I envisaged or hoped I'd be doing. I'm still living in the same place I've lived since I was a week old and having a lot of friends move on to bigger things and places has made me yearn for a new beginning and a fresh start. It hurts that a lot of my old friends have moved on with their lives and rarely speak to me anymore, and I find that quite upsetting because in a way I miss them and wish it was all like old times again but probably more importantly I'm jealous of the fact they've got new things going on and new people in their lives. Lastly, I have put on a lot of weight in the last year so my confidence has taken a real nose dive. I'd love to be able to wear shorts without feeling self conscious about the size of my legs or dresses and not worrying about weather my tummy looks big in it.

I'm seeing this post, as its one of the more personal admissions I've made on here, as a promise to myself (and you are all witnesses to this remember!) to change the things that are making me unhappy at the moment. I feel like i'm stuck in a rut and life is passing me by as I sit here wondering how exactly I want to live my life. I went away last week on holiday which gave me a lot of time to think about what I want, what's important and what I'd like to do or change.  So wave goodbye to Sandra Dee as this time next year, hopefully, things for me will be a lot different!

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked this post. Love, A x

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