Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Stuck in a rut.

Do you ever have that feeling everything you do and that happens is sometimes so wildly out of your own control? Because I do. Life isn't really going the way I want it to or how I imagined it should or would be at this stage. Rereading that I know it sounds a bit lame for a few reasons, firstly I feel I can't really complain too much as I have good health, I have a wonderful loving family and a handful of great friends. Secondly who's life goes exactly to plan and they get just what they want.

When I thought about the future when I was about ten or eleven when I thought about my twenties I hoped I'd be happy as cliche as that sounds. Whether that be in a job or at university, I didn't really enjoy school so couldn't wait to leave. I have a few friends but always hoped i'd have a wide circle of good friends to rely on.

I don't want you to think I am attention seeking or pitying myself with this post because a lot of this is all self inflicted which I think makes me feel a little worse. A lot of the things that are getting me down at the moment can only be changed or made different by me. My job is making me unhappy and only I can change that or get a new one. Which in turn could help me meet new people, get out there and make new friends. My weight and appearance are getting me down a lot at the moment too. I'm not in the best shape nor am I the 'shape' I want to be at the moment.

I'd like to think this is an open letter to myself, it's given me the opportunity to air some of the things that are getting me down and also this will serve as a personal little marker to me so hopefully I can look back at this in x amount of months or years and everything will be different; for the better.

Thank you for reading and being there always x

All my love, A x.

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