Thursday, 10 November 2016

soul speak.

At precisely nine minutes past nine at night on a blustery November Eve I have decided to end my rather random albeit unplanned blogging sabbatical. Since we last spoke my job has taken up a whole lot of my life. Which is good in some ways. My career is progressing in ways I never imagined it would. I am working in the same shop and in the same job since I was seventeen years old. Other than merely existing this is the longest thing I have ever stuck at. I had many a hobby as a child which I begged and pleaded my mum that I promised I'd stick at forever (insert piano, saxophone and expensive exercise classes, still sorry about that one mum!!) if you had asked me when I first started as the Saturday girl do you see yourself here in four years time as the manager I would have said no faster than you can say pumpernickel ( it's a German bread I know it doesn't make sense with what I was saying right there.. But it's just fun to say yknow). 

The problem with life, not that I've cracked the code on the meaning of it all, give me time I'm only one gal, it's very easy to get comfy somewhere or complacent. Whether that be a job or a relationship it's hard to change for a lot of people and do something brand new and different. Like I was saying it may look good on my cv, I may be the youngest manager on my area at just a foetal age of 21 but my soul isn't being stretched and that's what's most important. I am not happy. On the outside I am all smiles, sun shines and rainbows but my heart and soul yearn for an adventure a crazy fun filled life that I can look back on in years and think 'yeah I used to be awesome'. There isn't an inch on this beautiful earth that I don't want my toes to touch. I want to see the Grand Canyon and immerse myself in the hysteria of a night in Vegas. I want to gasp at the enormity of Everest and feel like the size of a grain of sand in the middle of the universe. I want to spend more time with my family and have more memories with them. There have been many occasions where I have worked 7 days a week in a job I don't love with all my heart and I have cried at the hours I have dedicated to that cause. The hours I could have spent cooking a delightful dinner for my mum because she goes to the end of the earth for me. Going for a country walk with my dad because that's when I see him most at peace. Or even going out for a leisurely lunch with my sister it doesn't have to be an expensive meal or even just so long as it can be cherished or even instagrammed! 

The facade is slipping and even though it'll all may look good on paper and the money coming in is good if it keeps eating away at my happiness like this it truly isn't worth it. 

I wish my first post back on here after many many months was a lot cheerier! I'll try better next time! 

All my love, a X